This post may not be about my OOTDs or frugal finds, but I feel like this post is still relevant to the idea of self-expression because this face is put out in the open each and every day. It’s the first front you must pass before getting to know me on a deeper level. It’s definitely a hard front to break down because it has been through its fair share of battles. This front is my face.
I have always wanted to blog about this because 1) people are very ignorant about this topic and 2) I think a lot of people can relate to my situation one way or another. I am very sensitive when it comes to talking about my face or even my skin in general, but if someone can get something out of it, then it’s well worth the talk.
I have been suffering physically and mentally from acne for 8 years so far, and before then, I had other skin-related issues. I have been on medication of all sorts. I can pretty much recite all of the tropical creams that my insurance covers. I have been made fun of in languages that I don’t even understand. I have used a fair share of over-the-counter treatments. Don’t even get me started on how much I have spent just to see some progress.
However, all of that is not even the worst part. The worst part is when people talk to you as if you don’t own a mirror and think that you don’t even try. For one, I own 3 mirrors in my room and my webcam, which I use as a mirror. I am that insecure. In fact, acne was my motivation to dress better to compensate for my ill-looking face. Two, I have been fighting this battle for so long and I’ve tried all of the tricks in the book. I have been on a lot of different regimes, both modern and traditional ones. Acne is very tricky because for one moment, there would be a lot of progress and the next thing I know, it’s back with revenge. Unless you see me everyday, don’t talk to me as if you know what’s going on with this front that I have.
Like many, I gave up on treating it and I decided to cover it up with a mask of foundation. I only went to one dance out of my high school career and that was my senior ball. For once, I just wanted to look pretty or at least presentable. I asked my parents if I can give foundation a try just for this occasion. I did not want to be dependent on make-up to feel accepted by the public. Unfortunately, my first use of make-up was definitely not my last; sure enough, I was dependent. Foundation was like a girl’s best friend. It stopped the awkward ice-breaker of “Oh hey, your acne is really bad. Do you use medication or anything?” I started to feel…I guess, pretty? Well, good things must come to an end and my foundation just couldn’t hide the bumps anymore. Applying makeup became a chore, and I just felt miserable.
I then realized that I couldn’t just hide the spots and the bumps anymore. I went back to a previous regime, but this time, I’m using it religiously. I even thumb-tacked the instructions on my bathroom walls. I am currently on my second month of Acne.org’s cleanser, benzyl peroxide, and moisturizer. I am also using the jojoba oil, which is amaaaaazing, and AHA+, which is not as fun to use…
In addition, I am using my make-up more sparingly; in fact, I haven’t applied foundation for about a week because I ran out….but that’s besides the point. For the very first time, I feel independent and beautiful despite the weird red marks on my face. Of course there is still some insecurity, but I have learned to respect my own opinions over others. I understand that a lot of people are coming from a good place when they tell me their opinions about my face, but the public have taunted me with their opinions for too long now.
This face is a work in progress and it will never be perfect, but ultimately, this victory is mine.
My ten cents #27: Sometime, most of the time, your opinion about yourself is far more important than those of others because you know yourself better than anybody else. I mean, you have been in that body for how long now…? My point, exactly.